


You and Your Stupid Words

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bullying, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Racism, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 19:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6207247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hamilton had a way with words and every now and then, he'll use them for more than stupid debates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and Your Stupid Words

**Author's Note:**

> I JUST REALLY LIKE JAMILTON OKAY?!  
> And I really like Jefferson.  
> Okay, I really like Daveed Diggs.  
> BUT JAMILTON  
> XOXOX Aida~

Thomas Jefferson has a horrible and frequent tendency to use whatever he can against Alexander Hamilton. He has his limits though. For example; he would never bring up his family origins, or the fact that he’s an immigrant. He won’t mention his race, or use any type of slur. Ever.

As a black man, he knows _exactly_ how that feels.

Alexander, on the other hand, has a non-existent brain to mouth filter. That has gotten him in trouble more than enough times. It also got him out of trouble (though not as often). It also works as one Hell of a weapon.

Take right now for instance.

There were some kids, some nobodies that Jefferson never even bothered to learn the names of. Slurs that Thomas hadn’t even imagined before were being thrown at him -- racial slurs that didn’t even apply to him. These kids were dumb beyond belief. He held his head up straight, trying to push past them.

Every time he did, they would push him back. Thomas pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He wasn’t scared, but there was a claustrophobic feeling in his chest. He’d never admit, but those words hurt like a son of a bitch. He can’t do anything. Any sign of weakness would be extinguished his household.

His dad was a bitch.

“Can you imagine how your family would feel if they found out their little brownie was a faggot.”

Thomas freezed. _Shit._

“Damn son! I thought these guys were tripping,” one of the guys hollered.

Thomas quickly regained his composure and looked unimpressed. “Oh, I bet you wish,” he snarled.

The guys looked between each other and one pulled out his phone. Thomas was having trouble breathing steady. He refused to panic. He couldn’t afford that.

Then he saw a picture. It was him. Kissing Madison. Quite passionately. He was drunk, he remembered that. He told Madison he was Bi-Curios and was so damn curious and he stupidly kissed him. It was awesome, but awkward, because it was Madison. Had it been someone else, like Lafayette, or even fucking Ham--

“...Focus here, cock jockey,” one of them snapped. “We know how it works for you rich people. Your name is everything. So here’s the deal. Give us money and we’ll keep this a secret. Deal?”

“That is the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard of. Which is saying something because I follow along with politics.”

 _Alexander, this is a bad idea._ Thomas didn’t want Alex to suffer either. He knew boundaries. He, despite popular belief, respected Alex. Or at least, enough to stand against people who are bullying him.

The boys turned, still feeling cocky. “Whatcha’ gonna do, porqin fag?”

Alexander had the actual balls to laugh. Then came the greatest moment of Thomas’s life. Had he not been freaking out about that picture.

“I’m not sure if you know this, because everyone has the skewed idea that I’m weak. So I’ll inform you. I not only have eighty percent of the school standing behind me, but I have the greatest friends in the world.

“I’m sure you three are very familiar with Hercules Mulligan. And in case you forgot, don’t worry, because I haven’t. Remember that one time when you thought it would be genius to steal some freshman’s clothes? How did that end again?

“Right, with your guys getting your asses whooped.  And if that isn’t enough reason to stop, then you all know John Laurens. One hell of a sweet talker, and quite skilled with computers. I’m sure you two, Graves and Phillips, remember the good old years of dick pics?

“Because didn’t Laurens threaten to leak those if you kept picking on the Schuyler sisters? Plus, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you the last time Lafayette got pissed. The guy sure knows how to spread rumors of being bad in bed. Can’t have that now, can we ‘King’ George?”

Graves, Phillips, and George all stared, in shock and anger.

George clenched his fists, and began talking “God, Hamilton you are the most aggravating person to ever walk this earth and--”

“And sent,” Graves interrupted.

Everyone froze. For a solid ten seconds.

“You _idiot_ ,” Phillips hissed. “Do you know what’s going to happen now!?”

It was too late, Hamilton wasted no time in landed a solid punch to George's eye.

The boys started fighting and Thomas felt the panic attack approaching. So in the midst of the fight he bolted to the bathroom. No one stopped him. Thankfully. He stared at the mirror. Jumping at every noise he heard outside.

He lasted a full minute before he had to go into stall, and lose his shit.

Five minutes later he heard the door open. He clamped a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes.

_Fuck, fuck, this can’t be happening, this can’t-- I can’t breathe, shit, he’s gonna find out. I can’t breathe, I can’t-- I’m tired and my head hurts and, and fuck._

“Jefferson?”

It was Hamilton.

Trying to steady his voice he decided it would be smart to answer.

“Yes Alexander?” he asked, his voice cracking. He felt like a child.

It was quiet, and it was obvious Alex was deciding if he wanted to stay or not.

Finally, Alex spoke. “Do you want some of a chocolate bar? It’s Hershey’s.” he offered.

Thomas felt himself smile and almost started crying again. Only Alexander.

“Yeah, that... That sounds nice, um,” Thomas cleared his throat, and hesitated on moving.

Alex slid down to sit against the wall of the bathroom. “I locked the door, in case you’re wondering. I’m surprised you didn’t actually. I always do when I come into a public bathroom and I’m a mess. Which, come to think it, is really odd that a person can do that. I think that’s a safety hazard.”

Thomas came out of the bathroom, laughing lightly despite how he still felt choked up. Quietly he moved over to Alex and sat next to him.

“I’m sorry I made it worse. I thought scaring them would work. John is already working on taking down the picture. He said he’ll tex--”

Alex stopped when Jefferson reached and grabbed Alex’s chin, taking his face. Which was battered, bruised, and bleeding. Thomas frowned.

“You’re bleeding,” he commented, letting go of Alex’s face.

He stood up, and got a paper towel, damping it with cold water and sat in front of Alex. Who was now dead silent. Thomas went back to holding Alex’s chin and began lightly dabbing over a spot above his eyebrow.

“You really are idiot, Alexander,” Thomas sighed, focusing on his cut and not his face.

Alex gave a slight shrug. “Yeah, well, I’m the only one who gets to start fights with you. And not like that. That’s just cheap and childish.”

Thomas smiled, feeling better.

“And you aren’t a child?” Jefferson asked, raising an eyebrow as he began cleaning off the bruises. He got beat up pretty bad.

“I don’t resort to slurs and petty insults,” Alex stated matter of factly. “And neither do you. Don’t dish what you can’t take.”

Thomas just shook his head, and moved to clean the cut off his lip. Which suddenly became way too intimate for the two of them. So they just sat in silence until Jefferson was done. Once he had finished, he stood up and threw away the paper towel. He turned around and sat next to Hamilton again. As he did so, he brought his knees to his chest so their knees connected.

“So... You said you’ve hid in bathrooms too?” Jefferson started, laying his head on his arms.

Alex nodded. “I don’t have panic attacks as much I used too, but every now and then everything hits me at once and I need to be alone.”

Jefferson soaked in his words. “I have one every other week,” he admitted. “But I can’t let my parents know so I have to do it in the middle of the night. Which makes it worse. And I don’t know why I’m telling _you_ this,” he didn’t mean to sneer the ‘you’ but it just came out.

Alex smiled. “Because you know I won’t tell. We do share a mutual respect, I know that.”

Thomas huffed, only causing Alex to laugh. He won’t admit it, but it made him feel better.

It was quiet and Alex cleared his throat.

“So are you gay?” He asked, at point blank.

Jefferson tensed and went back into deflecting mode. “Yeah? Why? You want a date?”

He was not prepared for Alex’s answer; “Well not right now.”

“Whaaaaat?”

“What?”

Jefferson frowned. “I... Is that. What was that?”

Hamilton shook his head. “That’s not really something you should be thinking about right now. One a problem at at time?”

“So that was a yes,” Jefferson filled in for himself.

“Yes.”

“Are you gay? I thought you were with Eliza?”

“Bi, and we--”

Alex was interrupted by a phone ringing. The two silently prayed that it was Laurens calling Alex. Alex checked his phone first. It was blank and Thomas’s stomach twisted and his breath was uneven. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his phone. It was his dad.

Tensing up, he went to answer it.

“Father.”

“ _I’m sure you’re aware why I’m calling you_.”

Thomas wasn’t sure how to continue. Instead he just stayed silent.

“ _No? Okay, how about the picture that was briefly circulating. The one where you were kissing_ _James Madison? A young man whose parents I respect, and vice versa. Do you understand what this could have done had the pictures not been suddenly taken down_?”

Thomas let out silent breath.

 _“Your mother would be heartbroken to know this_.”

Alex reached his hand to rest it over Thomas’s unused hand. He looked over and Alex gave him an encouraging smile. Thomas closed his eyes and got the nerve to talk.

“That’s awful to hear, but if you both choose not to respect my lifestyle then I choose to disrespect the two of you,” he said using his business and debate tone.

Hamilton knew this wasn’t going to end pretty. He shifted a bit so he could actually hold Thomas’s hand. Squeezing slightly to remind Thomas that he was still there. Thomas squeezed back, despite the fact he shouldn’t be thinking about him right now. Fuck Alexander for being too friendly. His mind was just a complete mess.

“ _I can’t believe you sometimes Thomas. You’ve always been a trouble maker. Always just screw us over. Where would you be without us? Huh? How did you think you got so far in life? Because you’re smart? You think you get passing grades because you have wit \_?”

Alex opened his mouth, ready to defend before swiftly closing it. Not that it mattered. He already made a noise.

" _Is there someone there with you? This should be a private conversation Thomas. Are you trying to record this as what, some evidence? Against what? Are you going to try to make a legal case if I disown you and strip you of all money_?"

Jefferson’s eyes were watering, and Alex could tell it took all his willpower to not sniff and or breathe or do _anything._ Alex felt sick. If he could just help him. If he could just do something. Thomas’s dad kept going on and all that Thomas could do was look lost and try not to sob.

Alex couldn’t take. He reached out with his free hand. Jefferson looked at him and without a moment’s hesitation trusted him with his phone.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“ _...Who is this?_ ”

“Alexander Hamilton. You see, I can’t help but overhear a father disrespecting and belittling his son. Which, I highly doubt someone of your social status would do. That’s just silly, and completely unprofessional.”

" _Young ma--_ "

“Not to mention if word got out about this you would be stuck in a hole. You disown your son, you would lose much respect within the LGBTQ plus community. Not to mention, who would vote for a senator who disowned his only son because of him just living? If you ask me, that’d lose you quite an impressive sum of votes.”

“ _Son, if I we--_ ”

“Don’t call me son. Especially if you treat him with such disdain. As a student who is just learning politics, even _I_ know that losing the votes of a few, what, hundred votes from conservatives is less risky than losing _whole_ states of votes because you decide to stick to the dark ages.”

Jefferson’s dad was silent. Jefferson was shocked and wiping snot on his jacket without care. He was still determined not to cry with his father being in earshot.

“ _...I don’t like you attitude son--_ ”

“Don’t. Call me. Son.”

"But _I, regrettably, see your point. Fine. Tell Thomas I won’t retract his funds or his name and that we’ll continue this chat at home_."

“If I find out anything happens, sir, your son’s sexaultiy will not be the worse thing to be exposed. After all, no one likes a cheater and a gambler,” Alex added before turning off the phone, looking smug.

The moment Alex pulled his phone away, Jefferson lost it. He started sobbing, he couldn’t help. Despite what just happened, he knew this was going to end in flames. He was going to be kicked out, stripped of money and a home -- by his _own parents_.

“Oh God,” he sobbed out, hands covering his eyes. He wanted to go to bed and pretend this was all a horrible dream.

He blanked for a minute. He focused on all these horrible thoughts until he was oblivious to the world around him. Then he felt arms pull him close to something warm. Something nice, and the something was Hamilton. Of course it was. It was always Hamilton.

Jefferson hugged back, no longer feeling shame as he buried his face into the crook of Alex’s neck. Alex started whispering. Actually, it sounded more like a singing. It was quiet and in French. Jefferson tried to quiet down so he could hear Alex. He had a really nice singing voice.

 _Shit,_ Jefferson thought, as he finally brought himself down. _Shit I think I like Hamilton. I mean, honestly who hasn’t fell for aarUGH FOCUS THOMAS!_

“Better?” Alex asked after Jefferson stopped shaking and sniffing.

Thomas took a breath and pulled away. Unfortunately. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

Alex smiled and Thomas felt like he could breathe better. Yeah, he definitely liked Hamilton. He had to tell Laf. He needed some pointers.

“Do you really have that chocolate?” Jefferson asked, before he said anything else.

Hamilton laughed and nodded.

_Do not think about the laughter. You just broke in front of him, you’re a mess, this is no way to ask someone out. Well, technically, he said yes already. Yes. Oh shit he said yes, oh my God!_

“Penny for your thoughts?” Alex asked as he offered half of the bar to Thomas.

“Nothing of interest,” he shrugged it off.

Alexander raised an eyebrow. “Mmm, I hate to be that person, but I’m sure that maybe there is something of interest in your mind right now.”

Jefferson sighed. “Nothing bad, I promise. They’re... Happy thoughts. Honestly.”

“What kind?” Alex asked, taking a bite of his chocolate.

Jeferson was going to answer when he was presented with the perfect cliché moment. There was a bit of a chocolate on the corner of Alex’s mouth.

“You know, things like this,” he answered, before licking his thumb and once again holding Alex’s chin so he could wipe the chocolate off with his thumb.

There was a split second that Thomas thought this was utterly stupid as he saw that Hamilton was holding his breath. Though he refused to look away from Thomas’s eyes.

“I told you, you shouldn’t be worrying about stuff like this at the moment,” Alex said, his voice professional as always. That could be quite annoying. Even if he’s right.

Jefferson was way too much of an emotional mess right now. He should shrug it off and say ‘maybe later then’. But if he could think like that, then there is some sort of logical thinking on his part. His hand was still on Alex’s cheek and neither of them dared to move.

Thomas sighed. Alex was right. Right before he let go however, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“I at least have the right to say thank you,” he whispered, lips near Hamilton’s ears. Then he moved to sit back against the wall.

Alex started blushing and Thomas felt pretty satisfied.


End file.
